"MY NAME IS MICHAEL & I AM A BIG-FUN, SODOMY-COMMANDO, VEGAN, HEGELIAN, FREAK! I OWN (so there is no rent 2 pay) A GORGEOUS PLACE IN GRAMERCY PARK, MANHATTAN & I WOULD LUV 4 U 2 CUM B MY LIVE-IN ANAL-PRINCESS/GF!!! WE COULD ENJOY 7-DAY WEEKENDS 2GETHER OR U COULD CHOOSE 2 PURSUE A CAREER, EITHER WAY, SEND ME YOUR CONTACT INFO & LET'S C WHERE IT GOES!!!!!"
And just to keep from disappointing you, I also have a picture of this stunning chap, Michael, who calls himself "SODOMYxxCOMMANDO." PHEAR:
My reply back was just typed out laughter, ending with "EW.NO."